mal vu, mal dit
by Elina
Summary: After all those years she'd spent spitting in the direction of every Peeping Tom they'd come across on cases, she knew she should've felt disgusted by her own behavior.


**Disclaimer:** It's all JB's, except for the text I've written all by myself, that is. And the title's Samuel Beckett's.   
**Summary:** After all those years she'd spent spitting in the direction of every Peeping Tom they'd come across on cases, she knew she should've felt disgusted by her own behavior.  
**A/N:** Thank you, airen, for once again lending a helping hand! This wouldn't have made much sense without you.   
  
  
**mal vu, mal dit**  
  
  
Her mother had always told her not to look at the sun for too long or she'd go blind. Of course, her mother had been right - she knew that now that she was older and had gained more knowledge - but still, she had never been a girl to listen to what her mother said. "Put your sunglasses on," her mother had insisted. "Stay away from the sun at noon," she had repeated over and over again, yet every time she had just called out a cheerful 'okay' with the upbeatness of a seven-year-old and skidded off to play. At the end of the day her sun cap had always been lying on the ground, forgotten in the midst of the game.   
  
Maybe she should have listened to her mother once in a while. Maybe all those years of constant exposure to the violent sweetness of the sun caressing her face had made her blind after all. Nothing else could explain it, because she really should've seen this a long time ago. Suddenly everything made more sense than it had in months.  
  
Maybe if she'd just worn her sun cap, she wouldn't have been as shocked as she was right now at what her eyes were witnessing.   
  
The file in her hand felt heavy, and she squeezed her fingers tighter around its edge to keep it from falling from her grasp. After all those years she'd spent spitting in the direction of every Peeping Tom they'd come across on cases, she stood there, leaning in, for Christ's sake, to see better, and she knew she should've felt disgusted by her own behavior. But in the soft glow filtering through the narrow crack of the door she succumbed to her curiosity, transfixed by the silent stillness, by the lines of the two figures fusing into each other. And she watched with a weird mix of paralyzed astonishment and pure interest.   
  
It really shouldn't have been such a surprise. After all, what else could explain the last months, the shift in the air? Tiny bits of conversation, glances, touches, banter, fights, smiles -- they all flashed back into her mind with a storm, all leading to only one answer. And the answer was there staring her right in the face.   
  
And at that moment she blushed, embarrassed, as one memory in particular rose its ugly head; her, sitting on the edge of Martin's desk; her, talking to Martin like he was the only person in the room; her, flirting shamelessly and laughing at everything he said, when in reality the only presence her body could sense was Jack's, hovering on the other side of the room; Martin's awkward laugh when she'd made a comment about all the gals that must be buzzing around him; the quick flick of his eyes to the side as she'd placed her hand on his upper arm - an obvious gesture of intimacy, meant to be seen; Danny choosing that moment to appear, throwing a file on Martin's desk in a huff. He'd given them a strange look, a look she hadn't been able to read, before turning to Martin and almost snarling that they had a guy to interview. She'd found it odd, his tone of voice, but had dismissed it as just one of Danny's moods. Martin had seemed glad to see him, though, almost relieved. She'd brushed it off as nothing. Forgotten all about it as she'd glanced up and seen Jack staring at them with that look on his face.   
  
Don't ask, don't tell, right? Well, maybe she should've, because maybe then she could've avoided the cold breeze coming from Danny.   
  
Because the sight of Martin's arms wrapping around Danny's waist under the suit jacket in the dim light of the solitary office, the willingness with which Martin leaned closer to the other's touch, had her eyes widening. The way his head tilted, his eyes sparkled with laughter at something Danny murmured, and his face turned up, waiting. Danny's thumb swept across the exposed skin just above his collar, and she found herself holding her breath as the distance between their lips grew smaller and smaller, her entire body in a standstill waiting for that inevitable touch.   
  
Soft at first, the lips barely brushing against each other, and Martin's eyes fluttered closed. She felt a shiver running up her neck, almost feeling the touch herself. She couldn't see Danny's expression but the way his fingers touched Martin's neck, his cheek, spoke volumes. And Martin... She'd never seen the tension flow off of anyone's features like that before -- complete relaxation, the lines disappearing and making him look at least ten years younger. She was sure to remember that expression for the rest of her life. Envy it for the rest of her life.   
  
Maybe it was that thought that made her jerk back, that sent a twist into her stomach. Guilt. Shame. For spying on them like that, for interfering with such a private moment. She glanced around, checking that no one had seen her ridiculous behavior. She felt her cheeks burning, and she quickly started moving, almost tiptoeing to make sure they couldn't hear her until she was behind the corner. Then her steps fastened into a jerky stride, her only purpose of moving to get away from that sight that had disturbed her so much, that had knocked her so off balance.   
  
Days, hours, seconds replaying in her mind, every new image making her cringe, every time Danny had showed up at work with that morning-after-glow he never bothered to hide plastered all over his face, Martin and his incredibly ugly ties suddenly changing to ones of better taste -- how blind could she possibly have been?   
  
She dropped the file on her desk and let out a shaky breath, and it was then that she noticed that her palms were clammy and sweaty. She glanced around the desk for a tissue and as she couldn't find one settled for wiping her hands on her trousers. Slightly powerless fingers fumbling through the papers on her desk, trying to find something to make her look busy. And this was not like her, to be shaken up by a thing like that, by her supposedly best friend and her new -- she couldn't stop the chuckle that suddenly escaped -- conquest...   
  
Her hands stopped their movements and she bowed her head down, leaning against her arms braced on the desk. Another low chuckle shook her shoulders, and she let it. Crashed down on her chair. She pressed a hand over her mouth, but still couldn't stop grinning. Hell, she was one stupid cow. The thought made her smile widen until she was sure she'd burst something.   
  
"Are you okay?"   
  
Her head jerked up, her eyes landed on the short black woman, who was staring down at her with a worried frown on her face. She tried to compose herself, only managing to make another chuckle erupt. "Yes, I'm fine."   
  
Vivian tilted her head a little as if measuring her with her eyes. "What's so funny, then?"   
  
She shrugged, toning the grin down a bit. Then glanced at the empty desks of her co-workers. "Life," she answered, her eyes wandering and finally settling on the closed blinds of Jack's office. She leaned back in her chair, rested her elbow on the armrest and pressed her cheek against her palm. "Did your mom ever tell you not to look at the sun?"   
  
She heard steps from the hallway at that moment and lifted her eyes to see Danny walking into the bullpen, his tie a bit askew, face flushed, Martin no where to be seen. Almost as if feeling her eyes on him, he glanced at her and flashed one of his trademark grins, his stride never even faltering on his way to his desk.   
  
Vivian lifted her eyebrows, blinking, followed her gaze to Danny. Then, as if something had just clicked, she smiled that mystical little smile of hers, turning back to her. "You have no idea how often. You?"   
  
She smiled, her eyes still glued on Danny. "Yeah. You've ever thought that..."   
  
"... that maybe I should've listened?" Vivian cut in. The tone so unmistakably smug and knowing that her eyes darted to Vivian's smiling face. The grin on it had grown into something almost devilish, her eyes sparkling with amusement. "You should've." A slight press on 'you'.   
  
And that made her start, her mouth snapping open without her even realizing it, her eyes widening. Vivian just smiled, gave her a little wink and turned on her heels. She gaped at the older woman's retreating back, but before she could utter a sound to ask her what she'd meant, Vivian was already entering Jack's office.   
  
It was then that she heard her own laughter ringing in the air.   
  
  
**the end**  
  



End file.
